Ladies, Why Your Hard Work Isn’t Paying Off—In the Gym
You work hard. Really hard. You’re balancing a career—either climbing the corporate ladder or ensuring you stay relevant in your field. Perhaps you’re also raising a family, with children who depend on you for the essentials: food, shelter, security—survival, really. And while you’re trying to juggle it all, you still strive to be healthy, to feel strong, and yes, let’s be honest, you want results. You want a body that reflects the countless hours and mental energy you’ve dedicated to it. A body that radiates the power, autonomy, and discipline you bring to every part of your life.
Beyond that, you want a fulfilling partnership—a romance, perhaps a marriage—with someone who truly feels like your best friend. And whether it’s on your mind or not, deep down, you likely desire a level of intimacy that’s more than functional. You want freedom in the bedroom, to let go of self-consciousness, to embrace openness. You want passion and pleasure without it feeling like one more box to check at the end of a long day.
And yet, for all that effort, something’s off.
This is part one of a three-part series where we’ll dive into why your hard work isn’t yielding the results you want—in the gym, at your job, and in the bedroom. Today, we’re addressing the lack of results from your fitness routine.
I know some men might be reading this and thinking they can relate. You might. But today, this piece is directed specifically at women. From a biological, cultural, and societal standpoint, the way our bodies respond to exercise, stress, and even intimacy is distinct. Men, feel free to read along, perhaps share this with the women in your life if it resonates. But know that this conversation is about what women, in particular, experience in their pursuit of health, happiness, and balance.
What Often Happens
We’re told that hard work pays off—that if you put in the effort, results will follow. This mantra is repeated everywhere: in the gym, at work, in relationships. But here’s the reality: for women, effort doesn’t always equal success. Maybe you’ve been showing up consistently—working out, eating clean, following all the advice from the experts—and still, your body doesn’t seem to respond in the way it should. Instead of progressing, it can feel like you're stuck.
The truth is, there’s more at play than just the effort you put in. The problem isn’t a lack of willpower or dedication; it’s that women’s bodies don’t always respond to stress, exercise, and nutrition the way the fitness industry—or even society—tells us they should.
Take a typical day for many women: You start your morning with a cup of coffee, no time for breakfast because there are kids to drop off, emails to send, or meetings to prepare for. Sound familiar? It’s a common routine, but it’s working against you. Women’s bodies, especially when under stress, need protein first thing in the morning. Here’s why: Cortisol, your stress hormone, is at its peak in the early hours. Without enough protein, your hypothalamus—the control center of your stress response—doesn’t get the signal to turn off. As a result, your body stays in a heightened state of stress, unable to enter recovery mode.
That’s why intermittent fasting, so widely praised in wellness circles, often doesn’t work for women. Men, with their higher levels of Human Growth Hormone (HGH) and testosterone, can handle fasting more efficiently. Their bodies are better equipped to switch off stress signals, and fasting helps them access fat stores. Women, on the other hand, need that morning fuel to signal their bodies to shift into repair mode.
Why Your Workout Routine Might Be Holding You Back
Let’s talk about exercise. This might be hard to hear, but for many women, the way you're working out could actually be holding you back. Take Orange Theory Fitness (OTF), for example—a popular, high-intensity workout that seems like a great option. But here’s the issue: OTF isn’t designed with women’s unique biological and physiological needs in mind.
While OTF markets itself as high-intensity, it often falls into moderate intensity. The body can’t sustain true high intensity for long periods. High-intensity exercise taps into anaerobic metabolic pathways, using quick bursts of energy for short durations—typically no more than 1-4 minutes. Beyond that, your body shifts into aerobic pathways, which are less demanding but don’t trigger the same hormonal responses necessary for growth and recovery.
Intensity isn’t about how exhausted you feel at the end of a workout; it’s about how much effort your body can generate in those short bursts. Women need those intense bursts (8.5+ on a 1-10 effort scale) to release essential hormones like Human Growth Hormone (HGH) and testosterone. The moderate effort of OTF may leave you tired, but it doesn't stimulate the muscle-building and recovery processes your body requires.
This is why heavy lifting is so important. Lifting heavy weights pushes your muscles to their limits, creating a stronger signal for your body to rebuild and grow. Women are fully capable of lifting heavy, and doing so has multiple benefits—from building and maintaining muscle mass to improving bone density and boosting metabolic health. When fitness bloggers suggest “lifting more and doing less cardio,” this is what they mean: strength training, especially with heavier weights, leads to better fat loss, muscle preservation, and overall health—benefits cardio alone cannot provide.
Instead of spending hours on moderate-intensity cardio, focus on quality strength training and true bursts of high-intensity work. You’ll see better results in less time, and your body will thank you for it.
Without that high-intensity threshold or strength training, your body can get stuck in stress mode, releasing excess cortisol—the stress hormone. When cortisol remains elevated, it can lead to fat retention (especially around the belly), muscle breakdown, a weakened immune system, and overall fatigue. You may feel like you’re working your hardest, but without the right intensity and recovery, your body isn’t getting the signal it needs to repair and rebuild. Instead, it’s left feeling rundown and burned out, making it harder to achieve the results you're aiming for.
The Importance of Fueling Properly
Another major factor in this equation is how you fuel your body. Many women aren’t seeing results because they aren’t properly fueling for their workouts. Without adequate carbs and protein beforehand, you can’t push yourself to that 8.5+ intensity. You might feel like you're training at your maximum, but in reality, your body could handle more if you had the right fuel on board.
To fix this, you need to eat before you train. A little protein, a little carbohydrate—something to prime your body for what’s to come. And then, post-workout, don’t delay your recovery. Have a shake ready as soon as you’re done, ideally while you’re still at the gym. You don’t want to wait until you get home to start refueling, especially when your body is begging for the nutrients it needs to repair and recover.
Effective Workouts for Women: Training for Health, Body Composition, and Progress
So, what kind of workouts deliver the results you want? The answer depends on where you are in life. Women’s needs change dramatically based on age and hormonal shifts. Here’s a general guideline that focuses on effective training for health, body composition, and long-term progress across different life stages:
Pre-Menopause (20s - Early 40s):
Strength Training (3-4 times per week):
Focus on heavy lifting and progressive overload. You need to train to failure—safely, of course—but you can do it. The key is finding the limits of what you can lift and pushing against them. This is how you get results and see real progress.HIIT (2-3 times per week): Short, intense bursts for muscle growth and fat burning.
Cardio (Optional): For cardiovascular health (think cycling or swimming).
Recovery (1-2 days per week): Active recovery, light mobility work, yoga, or stretching.
Perimenopause (Late 30s - Early 50s):
Strength Training (3-4 times per week): Maintain muscle mass with heavier weights and longer rest between sets.
HIIT (1-2 times per week): Reduce the frequency and intensity based on energy levels.
Cardio (Optional): Shorter, low-impact cardio.
Recovery (2 days per week): Prioritize active recovery and rest as hormonal changes increase fatigue.
Post-Menopause (50s and Beyond):
Strength Training (2-3 times per week): Focus on maintaining strength and bone density with moderate weights.
HIIT (1 time per week): Short, functional movements with reduced intensity.
Cardio (Optional): Low-impact activities like walking or swimming.
Recovery (2-3 days per week): Prioritize recovery and avoid overtraining.
The Checklist: Small Changes for Big Results
You just want a checklist of what you need to be doing? Here you go. This is a simple list of small changes you can easily incorporate into your routine to make a big difference in your outcomes. The goal is to get really good and consistent at these small, daily actions.
Morning:
Within 30 minutes of waking, consume 15-25 grams of protein. (Options: 2 eggs, a scoop of protein, ½ cup Greek yogurt, or 3 slices of turkey bacon).
If you deal with anxiety, rethink your caffeine. Start with water and protein first, and consider cutting back or switching to ½ decaf or green tea.
Pre-Workout (1-2 hours before):
Eat some carbs—maybe a banana, berries with Greek yogurt, or a drizzle of honey in your protein shake.
Post-Workout:
Have a recovery shake immediately after your session.
Follow up with a meal an hour later.
Evening:
Stop eating after dinner or when the sun goes down.
Drink plenty of water.
Walk, get sunlight, and prioritize recovery.
The Mindset Shift: More Isn’t Always Better
Perhaps the hardest part of making these changes isn’t the workouts themselves—it’s changing the deeply ingrained mindset that more is always better. For many of us, the belief that we need to spend hours in the gym or push ourselves to the point of exhaustion is a hard one to shake. We’ve been taught that success comes from sheer effort and willpower. This belief isn’t just personal—it’s been reinforced by a multi-billion-dollar fitness industry that’s constantly marketing the idea that you need to do more to achieve results.
From fitness influencers promoting endless high-intensity workouts to the latest "boot camp" promising to sculpt your body in just 30 days, we’re bombarded with messages that tell us our value is tied to how much we do—and how hard we push. It’s a cycle that’s difficult to break: we believe that if we aren’t seeing results, we must not be working hard enough. So we push even harder, do more reps, sign up for more classes, and ultimately, burn ourselves out.
But here's the reality: working harder isn’t always the answer. True progress doesn’t come from pushing yourself to the brink of exhaustion—it comes from strategic, mindful training that respects your body’s need for recovery and nourishment. It’s about building resilience, not just burning calories.
The challenge is that changing this mindset means confronting long-held beliefs. It means unlearning the idea that exhaustion equals success and recognizing that rest, recovery, and proper fueling are not signs of weakness, but essential components of progress. This can be uncomfortable because it requires us to dismantle the very messages that have been sold to us for years.
The truth is, more isn’t always better. Your body thrives on balance. Yes, you need to push yourself to stimulate growth, but you also need to give your body the time, nutrients, and rest it requires to rebuild. Without that balance, all the hard work you’re doing won’t get you where you want to go.
Finally, release yourself from the mindset that endless hours of effort are the only path to results. You’re not just burning calories—you’re cultivating strength, resilience, and long-term health. And for that, your body needs fuel, recovery, and care—not deprivation, exhaustion, or guilt.